Hmm… Isn’t chamomile supposed to help calm your nerves?
Nikola
Yeah, you got me. I get… um… nervous really easily, and it’s one of the few things that helps…
As he sighed and glanced out the window, I realized I knew the tired look in his eyes all too well. He wasn’t just “nervous”– we were all scared, of course, but that was the face of a guy who lived with that kind of fear every day of his life. He must be even more exhausted than I am, keeping up that big TV smile for everyone…
Timaeus
Nik… Do you not have, uh, meds or something? Mine were in the cabinet behind the mirror–
Nikola
I-I looked all over and I couldn’t find anything!! I don’t– how did you–
Timaeus
Well I’m not a doctor, but, um, I can spare some Zoloft if you think it’ll help.
Nikola
Tim, wh– are you sure?
Timaeus
Yeah, it’s– it’s a pretty big bottle. It’s fine.
I wasn’t sure how legal it was to share prescription medication, but I figured Earth laws didn’t apply to their full extent when trapped in a murder game aboard a space station.
Nikola
…You know, people usually laugh when I tell them about my, um… that. Like, “you’re on TV, you can’t be scared of people!” It’s, uh…
Timaeus
Ugh, right? Like, you can be an extrovert and have anxiety, they’re not mutually exclusive! I’m sorry you have to put up with that…
Nikola
Y-yeah… uh, please don’t tell anyone, okay?
Crap, he really doesn’t like talking about it, does he? And here I was, pushing him into a conversation about deeply personal mental health issues, as if I’d forgotten we were almost complete strangers!
But he was just like that, somehow– talk to him for thirty seconds and you feel like you’ve known him for years. It probably factored into his success in the TV studio, but I guess that kind of charisma can be a double-edged sword…
He took another jittery sip from his cup of tea and tried to laugh it off.
Nikola
S-sorry, I think I’d rather, uh–
Timaeus
Oh no I’m sorry I was being so nosy– i-if you need some space we can talk later–
Nikola
Wait, d-don’t leave!!
He grabbed my hand just as I started to get up. And he was holding it. That was a thing that was happening right now, in real life.
Nikola
I– m-maybe I’m not ready to talk about some stuff yet, but– I really like you, Tim! You’re so nice, and you didn’t laugh at me, and…
Timaeus
…
Nikola
…a-and right now I just want someone nice to talk to me about something that isn’t scary. Is that okay?
Timaeus
…Sure, I can do that. What’s something not scary?
He seemed to realize what he was doing and quickly let go of my hand, sheepishly crossing his arms.
Nikola
Ummm… Hey! You’re the librarian! Why don’t you tell me about your favorite books? I don’t read as much as I should…
Timaeus
A-are you sure?! We might be here for a while…
Nikola
Good! I-I mean, yeah, that’s fine!!
Most people don’t realize what they’re getting into when they ask a librarian about their favorite books, even more so the Ultimate Librarian. I tried to spare him the details, but only ended up shaving a few minutes off of the usual two hour lecture on the influence of Agatha Christie’s work on the mystery genre and the modern popular novel. To his credit, he at least tried to follow my rambling…
…or maybe he was just listening to the sound of my voice, trying to distract himself. Either way, he was the best audience I’d had in a long while.
Timaeus
…Ah, I’m sorry, I put you to sleep didn’t I–
Nikola
I’m awake!!
Timaeus
Oh!
…Wait you were actually listening?!
Nikola
Y’know, I was in a local stage production of Mousetrap and it was super fun but I never got around to reading her novels… You said I should start with the Miss Marple books, right? The Thirteen Problems?
Timaeus
Yeah, it’s a short story collection so you can see whether you like her writing without committing to a full-fledged novel… But you’ve probably heard enough out of me for one day, huh?
Nikola
Nonono it was fun!! And I did ask, didn’t I?
He laughed, and his smile faded– no, it was his TV smile turning into a real one.
Nikola
…Thanks for staying with me, Tim. I really appreciate it.
Timaeus
Oh, uh, of course! If there’s ever anything I can do to help, just let me know, okay? I-I’ll try to trim down the lecture next time–
Nikola
Aw don’t do that, you’re so much fun to listen to! You get so excited, it’s really cute.~
Timaeus
Wh– what???
Nikola
Heeheehee! Tea tomorrow? Same time, same place?
Timaeus
Uh– s-sure! That sounds great! But I’d like to hear you talk some, too… Ahaha.
Yup, that’s me, the Ultimate Smooth Talker.
Timaeus
Oh, and I’ll come by your room tonight with the Zoloft, okay? Don’t forget to eat something with it when you take it and… um, yeah!
Nikola
…Right. Thank you, Tim.
There it was again, as Nik left for the dorms– that small, shy smile that set off butterflies in my stomach. I sat at the table for a while after he left, trying to process that emotional rollercoaster of a conversation.
I really felt bad for him– hopefully the Zoloft would do some good eventually. But if I had my meds, why didn’t he have his? And he was so scared of talking about it at all, even to someone going through the same thing… Does he keep it a secret because of his job?
But I guess none of that’s really my business. Maybe he’ll tell me more when he’s ready. When we’re closer… that’d be nice, wouldn’t it? To be closer…
Timaeus
…Tim oh my god this is
literally
the worst possible time to have a crush.
