[Talk - Gugalanna]

Introduction card for Gugalanna Velasquez, the Ultimate Luchadora. She's a very short, very buff girl with a magnificent mane of brown curly hair. She's wearing an extravagant gold-and-white wrestling uniform, and her mask bears a set of horns, like a bull or ram.

As a six-foot-four stick person, I was used to towering over people, but… not usually by this much. Even with her magnificent mane, she barely came up to my waist. The tiny girl with the horned mask easily compensated for her height, though, with a metric ton of muscle and a voice like a foghorn.

Gugalanna yells.
Gugalanna
What the hell is going on?!
Tim panics a little.
Timaeus
I-I don’t know either, I’m sorry Miss, uh…
Gugalanna yells.
Gugalanna
I wasn’t asking you!! But…
Gugalanna strikes a pose.
Gugalanna
Gugalanna Velasquez!! Ultimate Luchadora! El Toro del Cielo in the ring!

She rattled her name and title off with the rapidity of a sportscaster. El Toro del Cielo… the Bull of Heaven… from the Epic of Gilgamesh??

Tim smiles.
Timaeus
Gugalanna, huh… That’s an interesting name! Um, I’m Timaeus, the Ultimate Librarian?
Gugalanna laughs.
Gugalanna
So librarians have stage names too! Wahahahaha!!
Tim laughs.
Timaeus
…But that is my real name…
Gugalanna thinks.
Gugalanna
Really? But… es un diálogo escrito por Platón…

Two people recognized my name in one day?! So she really was interested in ancient literature… But it didn’t seem like this Bull of Heaven was in the mood for a leisurely conversation about Sumerian mythology.

Gugalanna looks serious.
Gugalanna
Okay but seriously. What the hell is going on? Where the hell are we? Why the hell am I in my costume??
Tim looks confused.
Timaeus
I-I told you, I don’t know– wait, your costume?
Gugalanna yells.
Gugalanna
Yeah my costume!! You think us wrestlers run around in these things every day?! Gives me a wedgie! And they’re expensive!! If there’s a single stain on this thing…

Her firey glare bored through my skull, and her hands balled up into tiny, dangerous fists.

Tim looks terrified.
Timaeus
You’ll, uh– you’ll redirect your anger towards the person who kidnapped us and not take it out on me because I’m standing in front of you, right?

Thankfully, she snorted and slammed her fist into the wall instead. Was that… a dent in solid steel? Holy cow I could have died.

Gugalanna yells.
Gugalanna
Mark my words, El Timeo! Whoever did this… Nobody fucks with El Toro del Cielo and survives without at least three broken bones!!!

Gugalanna continued her tirade as she plodded off down the hallway. I didn’t know that much Spanish, but whatever she was saying sounded very, uh, explicit. If our kidnapper ever shows their face, they’re going to have a fight on their hands…

El Timeo, huh? I’ve definitely had worse nicknames.